lights out, fuck it, cut the chord.

That's precisely how I feel about the whole situation.  Sums it all up perfectly.

No one seems to understand me now...that's why I wake up every morning March, April, and May with this crazy feeling that I never will change.  I'm sick of faking it, and taking shit from everybody, but there's this same damn feeling that I never can change.

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This is a conversation I was having with someone I spoke of in a previous blog.  You know, the one that doesn't talk to me, only does when she wants something, and all that jazz?  Well, interestingly enough, she started the conversation.  It was like most the others we've had: I say something and she waits around 4 to 5 minutes to say 3 or 4 words back...Depressingly wasteful of my time and will to live, but, hey, I"ll take what I can get, I guess, and maybe some of this shit will get cleared up.
    Then again, maybe not.  Fuck the whole thing, this is getting me nowhere and she's....herself.

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Tangently:
Why on earth should I always be the one who has to fix friggin everything?
"whaaa! He hates me!"
*fix*
"whaaa! I have no friends!"
*fix*
"whaaa! You're pissed at me!"
No fuckin shit, Sherlock.

Jesus Christ, why is it that people always want me to fix their bloody problems?  Yeah, I can probably do it, but that doesn't mean you should just randomly make me fix them without ever giving back anything.  If you want advice with something and later you're gonna just kick back and hang out with me then that's cool I guess.  Better yet, fix your own damn life and quit whining about it.  Mildly hypocritical?  Nah, not really.  I can't change what you people do.  Austin never tells me to fix his life.  Couple times yeah he's asked me what to do and I told him what I'd do, but he's Austin.  He's continually freakin awesome.  He's not in suck-the-life-out-of-Sheldie mode like most poeple seem to be in.  I want to find whoever decided to put that button in people and kick him in the balls.
    You people tlak about the world like it's come place that you've been...it's depressing.

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You caught me faking, at least i tried
totally mistaken, unidentified
hypocrisy, shamelessly
fortunately before i could plant the seed

I want to tell you everything
but I can't, no
I want to tell you all these things
let's just forget it

my quote unquote sick mind
cannot understand, just undermine
analyzing everything
picking apart every seam just for a sign

I want to tell you everything
but i can't, no
I want to tell you all these things

but it seems that you have found
lately something better to do
with your mind and your time
yeah, you, have found
lately something better to do
with your mind and your time

call me hard, insolent
tainted by the thoughts of all that I resent
believe I can do as i said
been collecting dust inside this hollow head

but it seems that you have found
lately something better to do
with your mind and your time
yeah, you, have found
lately something better to do
with your mind and your time