Do you know what I noticed?

well, yeah, but like, do you know what I noticed?

Close, but no.

I never really had much to say to her.

well, yeah, her...but like....any one of them, really.  I never realy talk to them about anything...maybe I'm just not a fan of small talk and "how's the weather?" and I'd just rather get stuff done, but like...I dunno.  Maybe I'm too much of a "let's get somethin' done instead of standin around talkin" type of guy.  Whatever.

but I've noticed that when we talk anymore it doesnt matter.  "Whatcha been up to lately?"  "Not much....you?"  "Same old, same old"  and that's the extent of our conversations...it was kinda like that when we were together too...not just her, but like...the last like 4 or 5...ya know?  Like..quite personally, I have no problem with just a physical end of a relationship. Now, don't take that the wrong way or anything, but I think that every now and then somethin like that's okay, but 4 or 5 girlfriends in a row?  That's girlfriends mind  you, not just regular friends who happen to be girls and happen to have a similar interest in mind. 

God.

Am I that bad of a guy?  Probably not, but hey, who knows anymore.  I ask Austin a while ago if I was a bad guy....like, if I was as bad as I thought I was.  He said that yeah, I've done some really (really really) bad stuff that was totally unneccessary, but I'm not that bad of a guy for it.  Like, I'm probably going to Hell or whatever, but I'm not that bad of a guy.  More misunderstood than anything.  Mindie said that I'm a really sweet guy who just doesn't get what he deserves.  I agree with that.  I've been the nicest guy in the world for no reason at all and now that I look back...I've never seen anything from it.  Like, yeah, I didn't do whatever expecting to get anything in return, but in a way I did.  People just took advantage of my nice-ness so I'm an asshole most of the time.  Whatever dude, I dunno.
    Like, at work, they know that the Stetz family will do anything it takes to get the job done right in the workplace, and they take full advantage of it.  I've noticed it recently: I'm doing the manager's jobs and all I'm supposed to be doing is working in the sno shack.  I'm in the gas station haulin' garbages, cleaning floors, shelves, stocking the cooler, doing the heavy liftnig and moving...that's not my job.  I'm supposed to make sno cones.  I started to ask the other sno shack kids what they did all day and they told me how bored they were with nothing to do.  No one would come for hours and they'd do nothing.  I get there, and 20 minutes later I'm sweeping the big ol' parking lot thing with a broom and a dust pan.  Do you call that job satisfaction, cuz I sure don't.  Brain the size of a planet and strength to move one and I'm doing their dirty work while they read the paper and eat food.  I didn't sign up for that.

Fuck.